I was driving to a suppliers the other day to pick up a part for my camera and for some completely mysterious reason known only to the higher powers of an unknown and no-doubt uselessly divine force, I began to notice the word Association. One in particular stood out from the rest – The Association of Lawn Mowers Australia. Lawn Mowers!
Further to my research and discovery I noticed a profitable trend related to the term. Association;
1. (n.) Union of persons in a company or society for some particular purpose; as, the
American Association for the Advancement of Science; a benevolent association.Specifically, as
among the Congregationalists, a society, consisting of a number of ministers, generally the
pastors of neighboring churches, united forpromoting the interests of religion and the harmony of
2. (n.) Mental connection, or that which is mentally linked or associated with a thing.
3. (n.) The act of associating, or state of being associated; union; connection, whether of
persons of things.
Now don’t get me wrong, perhaps some associations get it right in terms of the services they offer their members, but really, is an association a means of support for a group of people who partake in a particular activity, or a brilliant idea for charging someone a fortune in yearly membership fees to support an existence that would otherwise be spent slaving for the profits of corporation? I beg for the latter. Being a tradesman from long back, (my original non-choiceof career), I was once a member of the trade unions. Aside from being sluggedan un-imaginable amount of money in yearly membership and subscription fees, I not once gained any ounce of benefit from the entire service, despite on one occasion even giving them a call for advice on a particular problem. Sorry Sir, we can’t help you despite the problem you are now experiencing being the basis on what this union represents. But please, continue to pay your overly-large yearly membership fees so as our union bosses may live a larger life of luxury and political hob-knobbing. The unfortunate attempt at becoming a non-member of said union resulted in many years of being hassled, chased and even smothered in debt for overdue charges continually charged after my resignation date.
So what type of Associations exist? Well, I did someresearch. Typing “association Australia” into google I got 28,900,000 results;
Gemmological Association of Australia
Galvanizers Association of Australia
Surface Coatings AssociationAustralia
Fragile X Association of Australia
Boomerang Association of Australia
Australian Breastfeeding Association
Might join this one!
Boer Goat Breeders’ Associationof Australia
Is there really that many Boer Goat breeders around?
The Energy Users Association of Australia
We all use energy right? Shouldn’t we all be members then?
Paint Horse Associationof Australia
What the fuck?
Swedenborg Associationof Australia
If this has nothing to do with hot Swedish chicks I’m out!
Dance Therapy Association ofAustralia
Christian Bookselling AssociationAustralia Home Page
Zoroastrian Associationof Western Australia Inc.
This is a great one. It’s an association created for all the “Trevs” on thenet! Yes that’s right, all the people with the name Trev who use the internet! Question is, how do we know which Trevor posted on the forum when all the member names are Trevor?
AND MY FAVORITE
Irritable BowelInformation & Support Association – Welcome?
This one reminds me of my life!
It occurred to me to come up with my own type of unique association so that I too can charge a fortune for doing squat. Let’s see. Ineed an activity that a lot of people partake in. If I could charge $1.00 for membership start-up and can find one million people to suck into my association I will become an instant millionaire. On top of the $1 start up I can charge some ridiculous amount for yearly membership. Say, $487.95 per year. On top of that you, as a member, can ring my association at any time (between the hours of 9am and 5pm EST, not available on public holidays, weekends, or times when I am jet-setting the world on members funds just to find out what other countries are doing with this activity), but should you be phoning for advice or anything other than to admire and compliment the BMW I drive around in (membership levels were great this year), I will need to charge you a fee based on the type of advice you are seeking.
So what association can I start up? Lawn mowers has been done. Gardeners – covered. Plumbers? Been around for years. Model airplanes already exists as does painters, writers, pavers, rope tiers, phone talkers…The list goes on and on. So how about arm-sniffers? No, not enough of those around. Panty sniffers? Hair doers? Shoulder slappers, feet ticklers or even wind breakers. Wind breakers! Everyonebreaks wind so why not have an association for it? Hmmm, things to consider here.
It seems that no matter the task, the concept of labour or the frequency one may partake in said activities, there is an association that will attempt to entice you to join. Promised with the carrot of “extra work”, massive benefits and the support of a “specialist institution” you too can be sucked into the constant outflow of monies in return for slapping a logo on your car, truck or trailer to advertise them completely free of charge.
Perhaps an Association for the Association of the removal of Ridiculous Associations Association might be required…